NKOTB And The Backstreet Boys Talk Touring Together - omg! videos on Yahoo!

NKOTB And The Backstreet Boys Talk Touring Together - omg! videos on Yahoo!

What shall be seen today, never will shall again

Today marks the day. The inevitable day of going to the vet and asking the big questions straight out. If what we are - doing, sticking a big ole needle in simon everyday, shoving pill and liquid meds down his throat, and giving him appitite stimulants to force hunger into him to eat - is benefiting us...more than him.  Yea sure it is keeping him alive and the past couple blood tests didnt show improvement, but that was to be expected. Why would you expect improvement of a senior kitty whose insides are swelled up and dysfunctional. What we never expected out of all this was that there was also no difference. In other words, based on blood test results, he also has not become any worse off.  This surprised us the first time and very much surprised us the 2nd time around.  So what does it mean.  Expenses are starting to build up, a decision must be made; if not for us financially but for our other 4 kitties and pup who in a sense are put aside temporarily.

A NEW TODAY

A good friend harped on me recently about how much my mood, attitude and perspective on life has downgraded since last year.  This is the case for many others I'm sure. Although each individual circumstance deserves it's own acknowledgment, there is one universal truth to the matter no matter who you are and it is this: When you wake up in the morning, you are beginning a new day. Perhaps yesterday brought you bad karma from the day before, and perhaps it's not fixable. A new day though, starts with you and how you want to feel; or how you want to approach the world around you TODAY. People continue dragging their yesterday baggage around with them simply because their to proud to admit they were wrong, or because they selfishly resent someone else.

Yesterday's baggage. I like that phrase. I'll have to come up with a definition to it.  What do you think?

When I was a spy....

"Untitled"Acrylic painting by E. Trout

I feel like I am barely surviving in my mother's schizophrenic world at home.

Relief comes when I step outside these walls, when my skin is touch by the natural world, what I know is real. The sunshine lifts up my spirit. College is my escape, it is my vacation, it is the one place I can be surrounded by structure and others who are simply people with the usual stress and normal crap. You miss your train, flunk a test, stuff junk we call lunch before rushing off to that next class. Believe it or not it is this that brings me relief, course it can also add to the stress. But overall, it's worth every moment...before I step inside my house again where I have traveled invisible miles, doing invisible tasks, and never measuring up to the little girl in my mothers fantasy. Because it is here in mom's world that I do not exist, only the selfish unworthy whore and druggy whose only purpose in life is to terrorize others to no end. How I wish that I was that spy of a little girl again of age 10 who she denied existed and did not acknowledge for a month's time. For that would at least give me some time to get some homework done.